Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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