I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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