Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize