I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sext me about skeletons
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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