So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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