Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize