It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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