Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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