What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize