I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't turn off my feet"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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