I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize