Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
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why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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