the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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