He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
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I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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