Well douche your snatch and let's go!
time to smoke my breakfast
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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