don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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