We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize