Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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