If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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