Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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