hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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