i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
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drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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