before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize