Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize