i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize