She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Watching her eat just hurts me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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