I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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