i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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