My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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