Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize