dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So here I am, sexting at work.
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