peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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