I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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