Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize