i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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