maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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