She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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