He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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