dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can't special order awesome
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
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every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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