i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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