you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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