hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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