I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ketchup is God's man juice
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize