Porn is love you can see.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize