I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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