you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize