I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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