First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Farmville is her only friend.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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