when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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