Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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Dignity is for republicans.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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